Mediate into Shape

Yesterday while I was delivering a presentation, the question of whether conflict resolution methods can effectively resolve intrapersonal conflicts came up.  The answer I gave was, “Yes.”

Since then, I have looked at an intrapersonal conflict that I am involved in.  The numbers in my life that I would like to see going down or staying the same are instead going up:  weight, cholesterol, blood pressure.  I continue to be a relatively healthy individual but change must occur.  That is my conflict.

Well, let’s proceed through some steps that might occur during a mediation.

First, I shall state my position:  “I must get into shape.”

(The opposition states proudly back: “History’s not on your side, pal.”)

Second, I will move quickly to interests.  Health:  I have a young son and a happy marriage and want to be around for the long haul.  Economic:  I don’t want to have to buy new clothes.  Professional:  When I am in better shape I have more stamina.  Psychological:  I want to feel good and look good.

Third, I shall list the legitimate concerns being hurled at me from the opposition:

1. How are you going to start?
2. When are you going to exercise?
3. How are you going to change your diet?
4. What does success look like?
5. What will the consequences be if you don’t succeed?

The opposition is pretty powerful!

Let’s brainstorm, shall we:

How am I going to exercise and diet in a way that successfully improves my health, finances, and professional trajectory and keeps me accountable?

• Block out 30-60 minutes a day
• Use P90X tapes
• Run
• Sign up for a race
• Workout with other people
• Go on low-carb diet
• Play tennis and squash
• Watch less TV
• Go to sleep earlier
• Drink more water

That’s 10 items, a solid brainstorm.  Now some solid reality testing is in order.

Last night I asked my wife how much she could realistically allow me to disappear each night to work out [kids, and all].  “One hour.  I need you around.”  She means “for the long haul.”  So, when the house quiets down in the evening, I’ll go for thirty to sixty minutes.  I’m not a morning person so forget that option.

While it is cold and gets dark early, I won’t be running outside.  I can rely on P90X and play more tennis and squash.  When it gets warmer and lighter, I can run outside, and maybe sign up for a race later in the spring, if all is going well.  Maybe, I’ll try to improve on last year’s Broad Street Run time.  I don’t really work out with other people, but getting playing partners is going to be a key to my success.  Perhaps some lessons are in order, too.

Changing diet is always difficult.  The low-carb diet takes discipline.  Evidence suggests that temptation to eat spaghetti, pizza, and French fries is strong.  Here, I will have to do my best.  Breakfast and lunch are the easiest to control, so I will focus my efforts on them…

Now, the opposition says, “OK, but you still haven’t answered the question about consequences.  What’ll happen when you fail?”

Not feeelin’ the love…

The consequences of doing nothing are not desirable, and I am not going to lash myself or cast me into Siberia.  Therefore, I think it important to reframe the question of consequences into a question about success.

What does success look like?  Success looks like me fitting into all my clothes, being able to compete on the tennis court and run comfortably, and not being a worry to my loved ones who will see me taking good care of myself.

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